Ok, so last week I determined that I am a “Messy-Purse” girl. Being a “messy-purse girl” basically means that I have to work extra hard at being organized.
Not being able to find my keys and constantly running late are common occurrences for me. Over time, I have learned to use various strategies to help, but it is still a struggle.
Just as I was beginning to learn how to Mommy-balance: work, homework, church, housework, extra curricular activities, and exercise, my daughter (Y) was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). Her diagnosis was a huge light bulb for me.
Experts now agree, girls with ADD/ADHD present with different symptoms than boys. A boy with ADHD may be all over the place in class, blurting out answers and not able to stay in his seat. A girl with ADHD may be: “Catty Kathy” (not really a discipline problem but talking incessantly), inattentive, disorganized, and overly emotional.
In addition to all of that, a girl with ADHD may find it hard to navigate friendships due to: impulsivity (interrupting and being bossy). We can all remember the crazy hierarchy of girl friendships at school. Although most of us have healed (hopefully), this is a really hard area to watch your child stumble through.
Friendship drama has recently become a major issue for Y. I am constantly reminding her to be aware of her body and to count to ten before she does or says the first thing that comes into her mind. I also have to remind her to pay attention to how other people are acting towards her. Girls with ADHD may be slow to pick up on social cues and this is so true with Y.
Recently she told my friend, Christina about a problem she was having in school. When Christina and I were alone, she told me about it. Apparently, a little girl in school told my daughter that she needed a break from her because she was too loud and excited. (My heart began to race. Who is this little wench?)
The little girl went on to convince other little girls that they ALL needed a break from Y. So Y had to play by herself that day. She told Christina that her feelings were hurt but she got better because the little girl wanted to play with her the next day. (Oh, no she didn’t!)
Chirstina told me that she explained to my daughter that this girl was really not her friend and reinforced to my daughter how wonderful she is. (Praise God for good friends!)
I asked Y about the event and she said that they were “so over it now Mom”. I asked for details and she explained to me that the little girl got angry with her because she did not agree with something she said. So, since Y, didn’t agree with her, she didn’t want ANYBODY else to play with her. (Girls can be so mean.)
I went on to praise Y for speaking to another RESPONSIBLE adult about her problem. I am a strong believer in having LIKE MINDED adults in the lives of my girls who can give the SAME ADVICE that I would give.
Working with teenagers has taught me that children DO NOT tell their parents every thing. It truly takes a village to raise a child. In 2011, you have to build that village for your children; if you don’t they will build their own!
Sorry, I digressed. On with the story: I reminded Y again about being in control of her body and watching for clues from people that you are getting on their nerves. She quietly listened to me and then said the most amazing thing I have EVER heard:
“Mom, I hear what you are saying but what we are talking about here all boils down to personality (yes she is only 9). I am just an excited person. Yes, I was loud but we were on the playground NOT in class. I only have a little while longer to be 9 then I am going to be 10 then I will grow up and die! I am NOT going to be the depressed little girl sitting in the corner. I am just me and I if people don’t like it, well they just don’t.”
I was speechless. How I wished I could have said that at 15 not less 9! I learned a valuable lesson. We all need to be respectful of others and use our manners but life is too short to constantly try to please other people. We need to be OK with being ourselves, even when it is NOT popular.
God’s word says this: Romans 8: 31-35 (CEV) …If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? 32God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won’t he freely give us everything else? 33If God says his chosen ones are acceptable to him, can anyone bring charges against them? 34Or can anyone condemn them? No indeed! Christ died and was raised to life, and now he is at God’s right side, [e] speaking to him for us. 35Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, suffering, and hard times, or hunger and nakedness, or danger and death? Romans 37-39(NIV)37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
He is Risen Indeed! Because he lives, we can face tomorrow!
Happy Easter!
Stopping by to follow you back! I cannot wait to read more
I just LOVE LOVE LOVE Y! She makes me smile, and you are right… I wish I would have been more like her! Somedays I still need to be more like her!
What a great reminder! My son, age 10, was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I'm going to share your advice and Scripture reference with him.
Happy Easter.
Stopping by from Mingle Monday, and so glad I did!
Wow. Y really told it like it is. Good for her. It reminded me of my baby sister when she was covered in chicken pox in 5th or 6th grade . She was outside rollerblading with her best friend when some neighborhood boys(her age, from school) came and started making fun of how she was covered in chicken pox( they were everywhere). I was about to interfere but her answer was incredible. She told the boys (and with a whole lot of spunk and attitude, I might add) something like-”I may look like this now, and you may think I'm ugly, but I know I'm not, and you are going to wish one day that you could date me.” Yes. I was S.P.E.E.C.H.L.E.S.S.
Anyhow. Thanks for sharing.
P.S. Her line starting with “I only have…” totally cracked me up. I'm sure you gave her a big hug from all of us.
What a very insightful little girl!
Y is soo awesome! GOOOOD for her for being soo strong, Good for her!!! this brought back so many memories for me, girls are so mean, but sweet Y seems to have a handle on it for now!! You are raising a beautiful strong girl, just like her momma!!! <3
Your daughter Y is just amazing!
Thank you Katina for joining me at Create With Joy. I am delighted to follow you back and look forward to getting to know you and reading more of your blog!
Ramona
http://create-with-joy.com
How insightful. Wow.
I love it! Love urself. How long did of take us to figure that out. From the. Mouth of a growing babe
Many parents believe that ADHD is a hindrance in the development of their kids but I disagree with it. ADHD is just a condition but it doesn’t mean that you let yourself become its prisoner. Many people have become very successful despite of the disorder that they have. The point is that they were able to do it and what is stopping you to do the same?