As I get closer and closer to the big 39, God is really growing me on setting boundaries. One of the best ways to set a boundary is to say NO. In the past couple of weeks, I have had to remove a major commitment from my schedule and some of the extracurricular activities from our girls’ schedules. Talk about hard to do. Especially when all of those things are “good things”.
NO has always been hard for me to say. I hate disappointing people. Saying yes just sounds better, even if it is not what is best.
Very recently, a friend of mine gave my name AND PHONE NUMBER to a very well meaning college student for her to call me about sitting through a kitchen knife presentation. When the student called me, she very enthusiastically greeted me and stated that my friend told her to call me. Since old ways die hard, I reluctantly agreed to listen to the presentation.
The student promised that I did not have to buy anything and she said that she would get credit JUST for me listening to the presentation. (Yea, not so sure how that works.) Anywho, a very nice young lady showed up at my door and showed me some nice knives. They even had some scissors that can cut through a penny! (Not sure who needs that but neat nonetheless.)
The chefs collection was $1000. Since I could think of a million things I could do with $1000 and NONE of them even involve anything that would happen in a kitchen…..NO! Then as all sales people do, she started showing me lower options—all the way down to a two piece knife gift set. I was still able to say no pretty easily. No to the pots and pans and most definitely NO to the hunting “gut” knife. ( Just the thought of me gutting anything makes me laugh!)
By the end of the presentation, I had said NO t0 every item in the book. I felt like a superhero–”Say NO Girl” to the rescue!
As a last ditch effort, the student explained that she was just about to meet her quota and she only needed $113 more by that night (of course)! Now, if I said that I didn’t feel a little guilty by this point I would be lying.
So, I took a deep breath and didn’t say ANYTHING…that’s right crickets. The silence was sooooo, awkward. Although I felt guilty, I did not rush to meet her “need” of one last $113 sale.
As the student wrapped up the presentation, I did tell her what an awesome presentation she did and I encouraged her to keep striving for her goals! ( I felt like a heel on the inside but $113 was simply NOT in the budget especially for some cookware that I did not need.)
Just before leaving, the student asked me if I could give her names of people that I know that she could call and offer a presentation.
I took another deep breath, asked God for help and I said….. “No. I really do not want to give you phone numbers of my friends to call.” We both looked shocked and she politely left.
OMGeee, I finally said what was on the inside— politely but what I really felt. I really did not want her to call anyone and say that I gave them their number to call and then them begrudgingly sit through a presentation.
I totally don’t have it all figured out but the more years God blesses me with the more I understand that hard conversations are part of life. Most hard conversations involve the word NO or someone not getting their way.
How do you handle saying NO? Is it easy for you?
This post is part of a weekly meme hosted by Shell over at Things I Can’t Say
First, good for you!
Secondly, the older I get, the more easily I find it becomes for me to say no. I think it goes hand-in-hand with my diminishing internal filter. God help when I’m 80 years old.
And third, if it were me, that friend who gave out my phone number to a salesperson would be getting an EARFUL.
We must be sistas from other mothers! My filter is dimisihing quickly too. I did call my friend and mildly scold her for giving out my contact info but I was so happy that I was able to say NO that I didn’t even get upset!
Saying no is something that I go back and forth with. Sometimes, I KNOW I need to say no, rather than just have that uncomfortable silence. But knowing feeling that for a moment would be better than saying yes and having to put up with a lot longer of feeling resentful!
And then other times, I’m a pushover.
Oh yes, I go back and forth too. And I too have felt resentful more times than I would like to admit! One day at a time!
Good for you! I struggle with saying no. I really hate being put on the spot. The problem is that pushy people try to use that to their advantage. I tell salespeople that show up at the door that it’s not a good time for me, so they’ll go away.
Good for you!
I think I know the company (I was suckered into to it by a then boy friend in college)…. And those knives are GREAT.. Still.. (Oh dear )13 years later…
Well at least 13 years later the knives are still great. Have you cut a penny with the kitchen scissors? (LOL)
First, LOVE your blog! When you said, ”’Say NO Girl’ to the rescue!” I knew we were kindred spirits (; I’m learning to call that sassy (yet sweet) gal out more and more. Setting boundaries has come up again in my spiritual walk lately {sigh}. Just when we feel pretty good about what we’ve learned, God brings in a whole other set of lovelies for us to master and grows us to yet another level (: Pretty neat, eh? Congrats on your ‘Say NO Girl’ showing up! You handled the whole situation with grace and compassion, without compromising your own needs. Woohoo! I look forward to coming back for more posts! xoxo
Thank you so much for your kind remarks! Yes God is ALWAYS calling us to another level on our spiritual walk. I had success this time but as a recovering peoplepleaser overfunctioner I know saying No will be a daily battle. Best thing for me is that the battle is not mine, it is the LORD’s!
Hey Katina,
I sat next to you at the How to Write Devotionally session at She Speaks. I love this. I hope to come back and visit. I’ve had to learn through the years how to say no myself. It has been a process.